I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
