Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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