Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
