Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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