i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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