is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
im holly from the hills drunk
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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