i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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