I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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