Whod you bang
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
