I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
