his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
