My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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