if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
