Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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