Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
