so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
