saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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