i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
