I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
