nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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