Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
