Where are you?
In a non slutty way
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
