and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
