From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
