last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
