I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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