I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
