Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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