dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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