So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
