I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
