I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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