just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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