You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
