I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
