Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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