it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
