Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
