it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
