i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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