Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
