I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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