What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
