I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I will pee on everything he values.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
