What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
