I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
