Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
