dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
