i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
