I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
