If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish you could order shots online.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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