did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You may now shotgun with the bride
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
