I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
