Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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