Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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