In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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