I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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