I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Operation Purity has been aborted
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
