You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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