As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
How does it feel to date your dad?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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